Mr Ferguson’s Cornwall pdf — File updated with typo corrections!

Games Discussion Ars Magica
21

I think the bit about capons should be 'which ARE head taxes, not actual poultry'. I also don't know what a head tax is, but maybe this term is more familiar to others.

If the two Richards are the same, I'd suggest this is clarified or you use just one name throughout.

The explanation about the aggregation helps a bit, but flags another issue - I didn't realise there was a lake involved in this at all. The text refers to a hill surrounded by a forest, and that it 'vanished in an inundation', which I thought meant the sea flooded in. If the section makes sense to others though, this is probably just me misunderstanding.

If stannAry is correct, then the corrections should be to stannEry / stannEries.

22

Done.

23

I prefer the second version, as the first places coeris in Wales.

24

Yes, yes I did. Clearly my proof-reading requires proof-reading.

Please do tell me if there's a consistent class of "error" you're rejecting, and I'll stop flagging them.

I've done another 10 pages, up to the end of page 30:

Page number: 22
Column number: 2
Line number: First paragraph, line 7
Word: “Their national dish is a miner’s pastry.”
Error type: Historical nitpick. Whilst pasties did exist in the time period, I don’t think they became a Cornish miner thing until around the 17th Century.
Should be: ?

Page number: 22
Column number: 2
Line number: Second paragraph, line 3
Word: “Its a tin oxide”
Error type: Punctuation – missing apostrophe
Should be: “It’s a tin oxide”

Page number: 22
Column number: 2
Line number: Second paragraph, line 4
Word: “d e s c r i b e d a s b l a c k s a n d .”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “described as black sand.”

Page number: 22
Column number: 2
Line number: Third paragraph, line 11
Word: “R i c h a r d e s s e n t i a l l y h a d a”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “Richard essentially had a”

Page number: 22
Column number: 3
Line number: Side box: Plot hooks: Creating food
Word: “m i g h t b e s a v e d b y p l a y e r c h a r a c t e r s , t e a c h i n g t h e m discretion, or punished by player c h a r a c t e r s , t e a c h i n g t h e m”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “might be saved by player characters , teaching them discretion, or punished by player characters , teaching them”

Page number: 22
Column number: 3
Line number: Side box: Plot hooks: Tin pest, line 2
Word: “sometimes rust back”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “sometimes rusts back”

Page number: 22
Column number: 3
Line number: Side box: Plot hooks: Tin pest, line 2
Word: “appreaing”
Error type: Spelling mistake
Should be: “appearing”

Page number: 23
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 3, line 10
Word: “”Damps” (gases) may “distemper their heads””
Error type: Missing punctuation
Should be: “”Damps” (gases) may “distemper their heads”.”

Page number: 23
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 2
Word: “There’s a type of banking in Cornwall allows”
Error type: Missing word
Should be: “There’s a type of banking in Cornwall that allows”

Page number: 24
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, Visions paragraph
Word: “Some people who have dreams which reveal the location of valuable loads.”
Error type: Extra word
Should be: “Some people have dreams which reveal the location of valuable loads.”

Page number: 24
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, Visions paragraph
Word: “valuable loads.”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “valuable lodes.”

Page number: 26
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1
Word: “Wood is far to precious”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “Wood is far too precious”

Page number: 26
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1
Word: “Slate, which is slower but surer than rough, when building.”
Error type: Missing words?
Should be: ?

Page number: 26
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1
Word: “and its found”
Error type: Missing apostrophe
Should be: “and it’s found”

Page number: 26
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 3
Word: “C o v e n a n t o f S u r s u m i n t o”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “Covenant of Sursuminto”

Page number: 26
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 1
Word: “F e w C o r n i s h p e o p l e f a r m ,”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “Few Cornish people farm,”

Page number: 26
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 1
Word: “F e w C o r n i s h p e o p l e f a r m ,”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “Few Cornish people farm,”

Page number: 27
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2, line
Word: “but beef, leather, tallow are”
Error type: Replace last comma with and
Should be: “but beef, leather and tallow are”

Page number: 27
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 5, line 4
Word: “C o r n i s h p e o p l e l o v e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “Cornish people love”

Page number: 27
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 3
Word: “r a i l s , p a r t r i d g e s , p h e a s a n t s ,”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “rails, partridges, pheasants,”

Page number: 27
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 7
Word: “porpoise, whale. salmon,”
Error type: Punctation – full-stop should be another comma
Should be: “porpoise, whale, salmon,”

Page number: 27
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebar, Paragraph 3, line 14
Word: “or its a”
Error type: Punctation – missing apostrophe
Should be: “or it’s a”

Page number: 28
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebar (Aquaculture), Paragraph 3, line 17
Word: “and the covenant can grow barnacles, including the goose barnacle, has a mature form indistinguishable from a bird.”
Error type: Sentence doesn’t make sense
Should be: ? “and the covenant can grow barnacles, including the goose barnacle, which has a mature form indistinguishable from a bird.”

Page number: 28
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 3
Word: “t h e p o r t f o r t h e c a s t l e o f”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “the port for the castle of”

Page number: 28
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 1
Word: “T h e b i g g e s t m a r k e t i s a t”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “The biggest market is at”

Page number: 28
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, Paragraph 1, line 2
Word: “g i v e s b o r o u g h c h a r t e r s t o”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “gives borough charters to”

Page number: 29
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 3, line 3
Word: “i n c l u d e a n c h o r a g e , k e e l a g e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “include anchorage, keelage”

Page number: 30
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 10
Word: “a r e m a i n s t a y s o f t h e l a t e r”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “are main stays of the later”

Page number: 30
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 23
Word: “wax (12d per hundred pounds) “All other wares, exported or imported,”
Error type: Missing punctuation.
Should be: ? “wax (12d per hundred pounds), “[a]ll other wares, exported or imported,”

Page number: 30
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox “Shape and Materials Bonuses” line 2
Word: “Agate: Protection from venom 7, Protection from storms 5, Storms 3”
Error type: Canon error – last entry should be Air, not Storms
Should be: “Agate: Protection from venom 7, Protection from storms 5, Air 3”

Page number: 30
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox “Shape and Materials Bonuses” line 2
Word: “Storms 3 Boat: Sailing 3”
Error type: Missing bullet point.
Should be: “Storms 3
*Boat: Sailing 3” (or actually Air 3...)

Page number: 30
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox “Shape and Materials Bonuses” line 7
Word: “Chisel: Shatter stone 2”
Error type: Canon error – “Mason chisel” should be Shape Stone 2
Should be: “Chisel: Shape stone 2”

Page number: 30
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox “Shape and Materials Bonuses” line 9
Word: “Copper: Effect own shape 4, Deft-ness 3, Passion 2, Sex magic 2”
Error type: Canon error – should also include Bloodshed 3
Should be: “Copper: Effect own shape 4, Deftness 3, Bloodshed 3, Passion 2, Sex magic 2”

Page number: 30
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox “Shape and Materials Bonuses” line 9
Word: “Copper: Effect own shape 4, Deft-ness 3”
Error type: Canon error – Deftness should be 4
Should be: “Copper: Effect own shape 4, Deftness 4”

Page number: 30
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox “Shape and Materials Bonuses” line 10
Word: “Mirror: Display images 7, See truth 6, Summon and bind ghosts 5, Illusions 2”
Error type: Canon error – bonuses are mixed up
Should be: “Mirror: Illusions 7, Display images 6, See the truth 5, Summon or bind ghosts 3”

Page number: 30
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox “Shape and Materials Bonuses” line 2
Word: “Sail: Sailing 4”
Error type: Canon error – bonus is wrong and missing a bonus
Should be: “Sail: Sailing 7, Affect winds 4”

Page number: 30
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox “Shape and Materials Bonuses” line 6
Word: “Shovel: Move or destroy earth 4”
Error type: Canon error – not calling a spade a spade
Should be: “Spade: Move or destroy earth 4”

Page number: 30
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox “Shape and Materials Bonuses” line 12
Word: “ Tin “diamond”: Aquam 5 (as per crystal) ”
Error type: Canon error – crystals have a bonus for water-related effects rather than general Aquam.
Should be: “ Tin “diamond”: Water-related effect 5 (as per crystal) ”

I’m also not sure where “Serpent glass ring: Control and ward serpents 6” comes from, although it might just be from a later book than the compiled master list covers.

25

Yes. Thanks.

26

I will start from page 129.

2 Likes
27

Next ~10 pages: up to the end of page 41.

Page number: 31
Column number: 2
Line number: Last line
Word: “In January in Launceston there is a Gigglet Fair, a gigglet is a young woman”
Error type: Punctuation; should be semi-colon rather than comma
Should be: “In January in Launceston there is a Gigglet Fair; a gigglet is a young woman”

Page number: 31
Column number: 3
Line number: 1
Word: “and its attended”
Error type: Punctuation – missing apostrophe
Should be: “and it’s attended”

Page number: 32
Column number: 1
Line number: 5
Word: “orchard This”
Error type: Punctuation – missing full-stop
Should be: “orchard. This”

Page number: 32
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox, line 7
Word: “Merinitans.”
Error type: I don’t think this is the correct term for the followers of Merinita
Should be: “Merinita.”

Page number: 33
Column number: 1
Line number: Line 2
Word: “carriying”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “carrying”

Page number: 34
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 2 line 9
Word: “up an use”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “up and use”

Page number: 34
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 1
Word: “T h e y t h e n f a d e i n t o t h e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “They then fade into the”

Page number: 34
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 17
Word: “t h i n k t h e p e o p l e m a d , s o”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “think the people mad, so”

Page number: 35
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2, penultimate line
Word: “l a i d t o r e s t i n t h e v i l l a g e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “laid to rest in the village”

Page number: 36
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 22
Word: “c o u n t r y o f t h e e n d o f t h e h a r v e s t ...’ w e y e n’... m a y probably mean ‘we end.’ The ‘neck’ is generally hung up in the f a r m - h o u s e , w h e r e i t o f t e n”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “country of the end of the harvest ...’ we yen’... may probably mean ‘we end.’ The ‘neck’ is generally hung up in the farm-house , where it often”

Page number: 37
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 9
Word: “f r i e n d s , a n d f o r b r e a k i n g”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “friends, and for breaking”

Page number: 38
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 12
Word: “i t , t o c l a i m h i s p r e t e n d e d”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “it, to claim his pretended”

Page number: 38
Column number: All
Line number: Close to bottom
Word: ---
Error type: There’s an odd layout on this page, with a line going across a little way above the bottom. Probably intentional, but I thought I’d flag it anyway
Should be: As normal?

Page number: 40
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox, line 5
Word: “Can they rescue and of”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “Can they rescue any of”

Page number: 41
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox, Paragraph 4, line 4
Word: “i n C o r n w a l l t o s e a r c h f o r”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “in Cornwall to search for”

1 Like
28

p 127:

Para 1, line 11: "For magi,
living in Cornwall, he's difficult to
ignore."
First comma inappropriate.

line 14: "Richard becomes the
wealthiest man in Europe, in real
life, via mining rights, land
income, banking and owning the
exclusive right to tax EnglandÊs
Jews."

First comma inappropariate, comma needed after "banking"

Suggest starting the sentence with "historically" and removing "in real life", and switching the sentence to past tense (became).

Para 2, Line 11: "Richard's
household is his master, two
trumpeters, and some washerwomen,
at this point."

Remove last comma. Suggest beginning the sentence with "At that point..." (Again: consider a switch to simple past tense for the whole narrative.)

Para 3, Line 4 "Henry is childless, so
Richard is the heir to the throne;
Falkes de Breauté and Hugh de
Burgh are vying for power in
England.

Suggest removing ";" and breaking that into two sentences.

Insert "plot hooks: an offer":

"When the King's brother asks to buy the
land the covenant is on, so he can
build a castle to impress other
nobles, what can you do?"

Remove first comma.

Plot hooks: "Tutor lost to history"

American style would require a comma between the thousands and hundreds places.

"Richard later gets
about 2 000 pounds of profit from
his stanneries a year, if you
include the first right to buy tin,
then sell it as a profit."

Confused as to what meaning is intended there. Who is "you"? The reader? Is the reader selling it at a profit? How about:

"Richard later received about 2,000 pounds of profit from
his stanneries a year. If the first right to buy tin is included,
the stanneries could have been sold for a profit."

P 128

Para 1:

"1221: Richard is granted the
honour of the Eye. He doesn't live
there, and it is managed by a
steward appointed for him by a
Council of Barons, but it gives his
people the money to required to
maintain his household."

"but" should be "and" or (new sentence) "The Eye gives his people..."

Para 3, line 1:
"1224: de Breaute rebels, and after
some setbacks, Hubert de Burgh
crushes his army and exiles him,
taking effective power in England."

Some awkwardness there with pronouns and the noun/verb "rebels". May I suggest: "de Breaute rebels against Richard, but Hubert de Burgh eventually crushes the rebellion, exiles de Breaute, and takes effective power in England." (Who is he rebelling against? Richard or Hubert?)

line 7:

"The English retain Bordeaux, Gascony and
Bayonne, which send for help."

Who exactly sends for help?

Para 4 line 4:

"This ends the earlier
practice of appointing a new
sheriff every few years."

A tautology. Remove "earlier".

Para 6:

"The force pacifies Gascony, but
can't save Poitou. It's being led by
Hugh de la Marche, who married
Richard's mother after King John
died, so that is awkward."

Awkward for whom? Richard? Maybe leave that implied?

Suggestion: "The force-- lead by Hugh de la Marche, Richard's new stepfather-- pacifies Gascony, but cannot save Poitou."

Para 8: line 1

"1226: King Louis VIII takes the
cross, and declares war on
Raymond, the Count of Toulouse,
who is a heretic and an ally of the
English. This makes attacking
Louis's lands morally abominable
(you can't invade a crusader's
lands.)."

Rewrite: "1226: King Louis VIII goes on Crusade, making it politically impossible to attack his lands. He also declares war on Raymond, the Count of Toulouse, a heretic and English ally."

If the old reading is kept: "...abomiable. (You can't invade a crusader's lands.) or "...abomiable (you can't invade a crusader's lands)."

line 17:

"Peace treaty negotiations
begin, but eventually fail...."

The reader should understand what is being omitted when the ellipses are used. But I'm not sure what if anything is being omitted here.

"Plot hooks: The King is planning…"

Remove commas after "begins" and "ships".

"Plot hooks: Nuts"

Not sure what "nuts" has to do with the content of the insert.

1 Like
29

P. 129, Para 3: Sentence 1:

"Hubert de Burgh is in charge of
England, is made Earl of Kent, and
marries the sister of the King of
Scotland She..."

Full stop after "Scotland"

Sentence 3:

"de Burgh has
annoyed a lot of people, who
coalesce into a a faction led by the
Earl of Chester."

Note double "a"

Para 4, line 12:

"Young William was
holder of much of the Welsh
marches, and he took Richard to
the Earl of Chester, who held
most of northern England."

Confusing switch to past tense in that sentence.

Para 5, Line 3:

"He lives at Launceston in
Cornwall most of the time, but he
also now two manors just outside
London, to live in when going to
court."

should be "has", not "now"? or "now has"?

Para 6, line 10

"This worries anyone
virtually everyone with any sense."

Remove "anyone"? or remove "anyone virtually"?

Insert:

"Plot hooks: Remodelling
If your magi have used magi for
masonry..."

Second "magi" should be "magic"?

1 Like
30

P. 131, para 3, line 9:

"centre" should be Americanized: "center".

line 11:

"which annoys
the barons no end."

suggest "to no end"

Para 4, Line 3:

"without the permission."

suggest "without the Pope's permission."

Para 7, line 5:

"He isn't,
however, eventually buried next to
her, himself."

suggest: "However he isn't eventually buried next to her himself."

Inserts:

"Plot hooks: Making bank
Once Richard has the right of
farm the Jews..."

Right of farm?

"Plot hooks: Divine protection
While Richard is a Crusader, his
land enjoys some protection from
the Divine. This may may
spellworking harder..."

Not sure "Crusader" should be capitalized, or "spellworking" one word, but more importantly: a double "may".

31

p 132 Para 1 line 7

In line 1 the subject is "The crusade" but in line 7 the pronoun is "He". Does the crsade go by land to Arles, or does only Henry?

Para 2, sentence 2:

"He sets
off home, and drops in on
Frederick II, who is married to
Isabella, his sister, on the way."

(Does your love of commas know no limits?)

Suggest: "He heads home, dropping in on his sister Isabella and her husband Frederick II on the way."

(Unless you are delinating a list, rewrite every sentence with more than two commas. Think carefully about how you could rewrite any sentence with two.)

Para 3, Line 14:

"Henry gets
his money from Ireland, the
Church and the Jews.

Comma after "Church". Suggest changing "The Jews" to "Jewish money-lenders". Did he get the money from each and every Jew? Are all Jews the same? "The Jews" is borderline culturally insensitive.

Para 4, line 1:

"The army has 150 knights and 20
000 marks..."

American style would be "20,000" which would also prevent your word processor from automatically splitting the number over the line break.

Para 5, sentence 2:

"She has only a little
marriage portion, and there's no
political advantage, so he must
have just wanted to."

It isn't strictly forbidden to end a sentence with a preposition, but it often makes sentences harder to parse. Suggest:

"The marriage provides Richard with no political advantage and just an insignificant dowry, so he may have wed her out of love."

P. 133 para 1 Sentence 1 & 2:

"Richard arranges an
extension of the truce with
Scotland. The king is broke and
the barons force a council of
advisers on him."

Who is "The king"? If it is Richard, then use "He" or "King Richard" there, otherwise the reader might worry "the king" could be the king of Scotland. Little ambiguities like that trip up the brain while reading, interrupting a smooth narration.

Para 2:

"1246: The King tries to stand up
against the Pope regarding taxes
of the Church. Richard opposes
him, because the Pope is still
letting him collect 1000 pounds a
year to defray the expenses of his
crusade."

The same general problem as the previous note. Richard opposes "him" who is "him"? The King? the Pope? Avoid using pronouns that could possibly refer to more than one individual. Usually a reader will assume a pronoun refers to the subject of the sentence, or previous sentence. When it doesn't, our brain tends break off from the narrative to sort the grammar. It is the writer's responsibility to try to predict these stumbling blocks and avoid them.

Para 4, Sentence 2:

"It doesn't work, but he
helps set up a shrine to Saint
Edmund in Pontigny, and is
granted a miraculous cure for a
serious, if ill-defined, illness."

Four commas. Let's rewrite this:

"Richard's negotiations fail. But while he's in Normandy he's struck by a serious, unspecified illness. A miraculous recovery motivates him to help establish a shrine to St. Edmond in Pontigny."

Always consider ", and" or ", but" to be pleas to begin a new sentence.

Also notice how I put the presumed cause (the illness) before the effect (the shrine). In your original wording it is reversed, so I'm not sure if he was even sick when he set up the shrine, or if the illness predated his trip to Normandy. I'm just guessing your intended meaning in my rewrite.

(Sorry, I'm used to critiquing political and legal texts where vagueness or possible alternate meaning is too often deliberate and nefarious, and it's my task to expose it.)

Para 5, Sentence 2:

"The London mint tests the new
coins and sets the king's rate of
farm (sixpence to the pound, with
an added 10 pence to the
moneyers)."

"rate of farm" is too vague a term, more distracting than helpful. Suggest: "Seigniorage" (government revenue from the manufacture of coins calculated as the difference between the face value and the metal value of the coins.)

line 14:

"A thousand pounds of
silver and coin dies are sent to
them, to get them started."

Since a "pound of silver" is already understood as a unit of currency in England, I suggest: "A thousand pounds of raw silver and dies to stamp coins are initially sent out."

line 17:

"The King sends out inspectors to catch
coiners and clippers, and coins not
of the king are made illegal:
particularly Scottish coins."

I can't find a definition of "coiner" that is consistent with that context. Why would the King want to catch people who manufacture coins? Do you mean "counterfeiters"?

Also, semicolon (:wink: not colon (:slight_smile: after "illegal".

Para 6:

"1249: Edmund, the son of
Richard who, in the real world,
inherits his lands and titles, is
born."

Commas are now out of control.

"1249: Edmund son of Richard is born. In the real world he inherits Richard's lands and titles."

Insert: "Plot hooks: making silver"

"Magi could farm one of the mints
from Richard."

The verb "farm" I would contend doesn't provide a clear meaning to the reader. (Especially considering "mint" can be a crop.) Suggest: "A covenant could offer to operate one of Richard's new mints."

"Plot hooks:
Missing dies
Note that one Mint sends its dies
b a c k a n d t h e o t h e r d o e s
destroyed, or not? Did the
London Mint need a new set, for
some reason?not. Were the first
( set, for some reason?"

Sorry, don't know how to fix that.

1 Like
32

p134

Para 2: Line 1:

"1257: Crowned King of the
Romans."

This isn't a full sentence. I all other instances you

start out paragraphs with full sentences.

Line 6:

Double full stop after "Germany".

Line 12:

"Richard makes a vow not to
oppose the reformers when he
returns to England, and he makes
peace between the king and noble
factions, several times, until 1263
when he ceases being able to
paper over the cracks and violence
breaks out."

Run on sentence.

p. 135:

Para 1, line 1

"1265: Richard and his sons are
moved to Wallingford, which they
used to own, but was now held by
their enemies."

Suggest: present tense: "is now held"

para 4: line 5:

"they" not "the"

line 11:

"Guy, a
priest, repeatedly stabs, them
mutilates, Henry of Almain, a
crusader, in church."

Six commas. Also "them" should be "then". Let's try a

rewrite:

"Guy, who is a priest, repeatedly stabs and mutilates

the crusader Henry of Almain in church no less."

Para 5, line 5:

"Henry becomes dangerously ill,
Richard is made Protector of the
Realm, but late in the year has a
stroke and is paralyzed down the
right hand side."

Who had the stroke? Better two sentences. (A full stop

after "ill".) Or rewrite altogether if Henry had the

stroke.

P. 136

looks like a direct quote so I won't correct through page 139.

p. 140

The third and fourth paragraphs being with quotes. The third ends with a quote, but not the fourth, and the fifth doesn't start with a quote, leaving the reader unsure where the quotation ends.

So, I'm unsure if I should be correcting most of the page, as I shouldn't be editing anything that is a direct quote from some other place. Also, I don't under stand who is being quoted.

Para 2, line 2:

"it's" should be "its"

Para 3, line 12 (last sentence)

No "..." on the end.

Para 4 Sentence 2: run-on sentence.

"The
inhabitants were wealthy, and
according to received accounts,
they drew their wealth from a
large tract of level land, thickly
wooded in some parts, and highly
cultivated in others from the sea,
which was overflowing with fish
of all kinds and from mines, which
yielded them abundance of tin
and lead."

para 5, line 12:

"evidences" as a noun has no plural. Your spell checker may pass it because that's an acceptable verb form. Also occurs in line 24.

Para 5, second half: Run-on sentence:

"The
convicts and their families had to
construct huts or dig caves on the
wild moors of this unsheltered
northern shore, and to this day
evidences of their existence are
found under the sand, in heaps of
woodashes, amidst which are
discovered considerable quantities
of mussel and cockle shells, long
period this city flourished in its
prime, and its inhabitants were in
the enjoyment of every luxury
which industry could obtain or
wealth could purchase."

But again, I'm not sure if these should be corrected. they are not in the style of earlier texts I've edited, I suspect they may be quoted from another source.

I await clarification.

Edit: If you are confused about how to include a multiple paragraph quote, here are some suggestions: Indenting the whole quote, or using italics or some other typeface is the most pleasant to my eyes. If you wish to use quotation marks, the rule is to START each paragraph with start-quotes, and then end the LAST paragraph only with end-quotes. The ends of the intermediate paragraphs would all be left "naked".

1 Like
33

Page number: 42
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox 1, paragraph 1 line 7
Word: “giants, as magical beings, can be bought back from death by ritual magic.”
Error type: Possible canon error: Hermetic Projects pg 130 states that “Unfortunately for the menagerie owner, only mundane animals can be automatically raised from the dead.”
Should be: Switch the plot hook to be about trying to summon her ghost? Assuming magical beings have ghosts, which I can’t remember having any precedent for either way.

Page number: 42
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox 1, paragraph 2 line 6
Word: “Muspeli”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “Muspelli”

Page number: 42
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox 1, paragraph 3 line 1
Word: “that the a family”
Error type: Extra word
Should be: “that a family”

Page number: 42
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 4
Word: “r e m a r k a b l e m o r t a l . H e w a s”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “remarkable mortal. He was”

Page number: 43
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox 1, line 2
Word: “p l a y e d a r o l e i n D r u i d i c”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “played a role in Druidic”

Page number: 43
Column number: 1 / 2
Line number: Sidebox 3, line 2/3
Word: “They need magical assist- ance or deal”
Error type: Wrong word
Should be: “They need magical assist- ance to deal”

Page number: 43
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox 1, paragraph 2
Word: “What happens if they make a key, misunderstand the underlying system, and instead of raising Lyonesse, they just draw up a headland filled with faerie giants?”
Error type: Grammar
Should be: “What happens if they make a key, misunderstand the underlying system, and instead of raising Lyonesse just draw up a headland filled with faerie giants?”

Page number: 44
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 3
Word: “B o s p r e n i s C r o f t , a n d t h e r e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “Bosprenis Croft, and there”

Page number: 44
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 7
Word: “for,when”
Error type: Missing space
Should be: “for, when”

Page number: 45
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 5
Word: “A v i l l a g e n e a r L a n d ‘s E n d ,”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “A village near Land’s End,”

Page number: 45
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox, line 1
Word: “N e c r o m a n c e r s l o v e p a g a n”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “Necromancers love pagan”

Page number: 45
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox, Paragraph 2, line 7/8
Word: “It has Material bonus”
Error type: Missing word
Should be: “It has a Material bonus”

Page number: 45
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 2
Word: “l though”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “although”

Page number: 45
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 4
Word: “and Tom, pretended to be the giant’s son.”
Error type: Grammar – misplaced comma
Should be: “and Tom pretended to be the giant’s son.”

Page number: 46
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 8
Word: “today, The”
Error type: Grammar – comma should be full-stop
Should be: “today. The”

Page number: 46
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 5
Word: “P e n g e r s w i c k t o h i s c a s t l e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “Pengerswick to his castle”

Page number: 46
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 12
Word: “a n d p o l i t e l y d e f l e c t e d t h e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “and politely deflected the”

Page number: 46
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 2, line 4
Word: “p o w e r a u t o m a t a , o r g r o w”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “power automata, or grow”

Page number: 46
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 2, line 9
Word: “c a n t e a c h a b s o l u t e l y n o v e l”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “can teach absolutely novel”

Page number: 46
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 2, line 8
Word: “The mythical creatures that can teach absolutely novel abilities are the Grigori, a type of demon that now acts as the warders of Hell.”
Error type: Questionable canon – the Grigori being warders of hell is not supported by canon that I can see – the infernal versions are Dukes of the Deluders, who do not have this role. In addition, divine Grigori are noted (RoP: tD pg 26) as still wandering the earth disguised as mortals spreading holy wisdom and knowledge.
Should be: ?

Page number: 47
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 6
Word: “a r o u n d t o t e l l t h e M y t h i c”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “around to tell the Mythic”

Page number: 47
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 15
Word: “bears not relationship”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “bears no relationship”

Page number: 49
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 12
Word: “Some charmers charge for cures, others refuse on principle.”
Error type: Grammar – should be semi-colon rather than comma.
Should be: “Some charmers charge for cures; others refuse on principle.”

Page number: 50
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 5
Word: “c l e a r w h a t h a p p e n s i f t h i s p r o h i b i t i o n i s b r o k e n . T h e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “clear what happens if this prohibition is broken. The”

Page number: 50
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 3
Word: “m a g i c a l p o w e r s b y p u t t i n g”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “magical powers by putting”

Page number: 50
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 25
Word: “a useful character available to the”
Error type: Missing words
Should be: “a useful character to have available to the”

Page number: 50
Column number: 3
Line number: Header 3
Word: “Ckub moss”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “Club moss”

Page number: 51
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 1, paragraph 1 line 1
Word: “A dying, Cornish”
Error type: Unnecessary comma
Should be: “A dying Cornish”

Page number: 51
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 1, paragraph 1 line 5
Word: “They not visible”
Error type: Missing word
Should be: “They are not visible”

34

Thanks to you all. Sorry, I'm very busy and I can't answer to you all, but corrections are going on.

35

Page number: 52
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 1
Word: “Time for a quote “Camden”
Error type: Missing colon
Should be: “Time for a quote: “Camden”

Page number: 52
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 2
Word: “t h a t o n e o f t h e p r e v a i l i n g”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “that one of the prevailing”

Page number: 52
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 7
Word: “g e n e r a l h i s s , w h i c h t h e y”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “general hiss , which they”

Page number: 52
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, Paragraph 1, line 13
Word: “b e a u t y o f h i s c o m p a n i o n ,”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “beauty of his companion,”

Page number: 53
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox, Paragraph 3, line 3
Word: “a t t a c k e d . D o t h e y h a v e a”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “attacked. Do they have a”

Page number: 53
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox, Paragraph 3
Word: “Swarm” paragraph
Error type: Repeated text – is also in the “Concerted Action” paragraph on page 52, column 1
Should be: Remove one copy

Page number: 53
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 29
Word: “s p r i n g t h e y r e c e i v e a n e w”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “spring they receive a new”

Page number: 53
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 2
Word: “A man employed in the granite quarries near Penryn, informed me”
Error type: Grammar (superfluous comma)
Should be: “A man employed in the granite quarries near Penryn informed me”

Page number: 53
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 2 line 2
Word: “As it’s widely believed killing the bird prevents the death, so they should keep it to themselves.”
Error type: Sentence construction
Should be: “As it’s widely believed killing the bird prevents the death, they should keep it to themselves.”

Page number: 56
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 4
Word: “p a n o p l y o f S a t a n i c p o w e r s”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “panoply of Satanic powers”

Page number: 57
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 1
Word: “E v e n t u a l l y, t h o u g h a r e b e l”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “Eventually, though a rebel”

Page number: 57
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 1
Word: “Eventually, though a rebel”
Error type: Grammar – missing comma
Should be: “Eventually, though, a rebel”

Page number: 58
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 3
Word: “she evidently

hoping, if saved,”
Error type: Formatting – random blank line
Should be: ““she evidently hoping, if saved,”

Page number: 59
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 5
Word: “handkerchief)”
Error type: Grammar – random “)”
Should be: “handkerchief”

Page number: 59
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 4 line 10
Word: “Ho had”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “He had”

Page number: 60
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 3 line 1
Word: “Is the magic sword hidden in Cornwall.”
Error type: Grammar
Should be: “Is the magic sword hidden in Cornwall?”

Page number: 61
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 5
Word: “c o m r a d e s m a y c h e e r y o u r”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “comrades may cheer your”

Page number: 61
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 3, line 12
Word: “s t e p - d a m e , u n a b l e t o r e s t”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “step-dame, unable to rest”

Page number: 62
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 5
Word: “h a d n o s o o n e r e n t e r e d t h e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “had no sooner entered the”

Page number: 62
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 3, line 11
Word: “t h e s t e p - d a m e ‘s m u r d e r o u s”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “the step-dame’s murderous”

Page number: 63
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 7
Word: “r i d e r, b e i n g a n i n d i f f e r e n t”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “rider, being an indifferent”

Page number: 64
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 4, line 5
Word: “what he had Seen and”
Error type: Formatting (random capitalisation)
Should be: “what he had seen and”

Page number: 66
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 7
Word: “o b j e c t , i n a d a r k r o o m o f”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “object, in a dark room of”

Page number: 66
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 14
Word: “e a s t e r n m a g i c i a n s a n d t h e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “eastern magicians and the”

Page number: 66
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 2
Word: “standard and proclaimed him their king..”
Error type: Typo (double full-stop)
Should be: “standard and proclaimed him their king.”

Page number: 66
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 11
Word: “wellordered”
Error type: Typo (missing space)
Should be: “well ordered”

Page number: 67
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 9
Word: “p r e c i o u s s t o n e s , a n d o t h e r”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “precious stones, and other”

Page number: 67
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 17
Word: “a r c h e r y, h u r l i n g , s l i n g i n g ,”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “archery, hurling, slinging,”

Page number: 67
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 3 line 2
Word: “h a r p w h i c h e n c h a n t s t h e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “harp which enchants the”

Page number: 67
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 3 line 2
Word: “a d m i r e d , t h e i r u n b o u n d e d”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “admired, their unbounded”

Page number: 68
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 18
Word: “h a u n t t h e r o o m s f o r m e r l y”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “haunt the rooms formerly”

Page number: 68
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 3 line 3
Word: “s o m e p u r p o s e , f o r, b y h i s”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “some purpose, for, by his”

Page number: 68
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 3 line 15
Word: “a s c e n d e d h i g h a b o v e t h e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “ascended high above the”

Page number: 68
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 3
Word: “p o w e r f u l e n c h a n t e r, w h o m”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “powerful enchanter, whom”

Page number: 69
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 17
Word: “t h r e a t e n e d t o c o n s u m e t h e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “threatened to consume the”

Page number: 69
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 30
Word: “n o t b e e n l o n g t h e r e w h e n”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “not been long there when”

Page number: 69
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 15
Word: “b e g g e d h i m t o d i s c o n t i n u e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “begged him to discontinue”

Page number: 69
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 19
Word: “m i s m a n a g e m e n t , b u r s t i t s”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “mismanagement, burst its”

Page number: 69
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox line 3
Word: “He’s and”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “He’s an”

Page number: 69
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox line 4
Word: “a l c h e m i s t , a n d h e h a s t h e”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “alchemist, and he has the”

Page number: 70
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 7
Word: “f o r a n y a r t i c l e w h i c h t h e y”
Error type: Formatting (random extra spaces between letters)
Should be: “for any article which they”

1 Like
36

Sorry, I hadn't see your asking for.
please will you stop mentioning “Formatting errors (random extra spaces between letters)”
There are no extra spaces!
These problems shall be fixed only when all corrections are done.
Tx
(this'll save you work, for sure.)

37

Duly done (and yes, it is less effort).

Next block of checks:

Page number: 72
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 6
Word: “From a game perspective there are two more tribes, giants and merfolk.”
Error type: Grammar – comma should be colon
Should be: “From a game perspective there are two more tribes: giants and merfolk.”

Page number: 73
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox 1
Word: Virtue: Cleverman/ Cleverwoman
Error type: The description of this virtue doesn’t say what type of virtue it is (presumably Social Status), or what benefit the character gets from taking it, just what skills would be useful. Is it just a variant of Wise One? Does it give access to Faerie Lore and/or Arcane abilities more generally?
Should be: Reword to describe the actual virtue more usefully

Page number: 73
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 1
Word: “This story is in Realms of Power: Faerie,”
Error type: Possible canon error? Is it? Where?
Should be: Give page reference if relevant.

Page number: 74
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox
Word: “Plot hooks: Why is he doing this?”
Error type: Layout issue. It’s not entirely clear who the “he” is here. At a guess, it’s the Faerie Widower, but you have to stop and think about that given that is on a different page.
Should be: Move the sidebox to the same page as the story.

Page number: 75
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox 1, Paragraph 1 line 2
Word: “at gathered”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “as gathered”

Page number: 75
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox 1, Paragraph 2 line 3
Word: “An elderly lady from Raftra Down in Penberth, bedridden for years, who was constantly entertained by faeries while no other humans were around.”
Error type: Superfluous “who”

Should be: “An elderly lady from Raftra Down in Penberth, bedridden for years, was constantly entertained by faeries while no other humans were around.”
Page number: 75
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 1
Word: Bal Lane

Error type: Missing “

Should be: “Bal Lane

Page number: 76
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 1
Word: “There are some faries aligned to each of the moral realms, so presumably these are Dominion faeries.”
Error type: Canon error – faeries are all aligned to the Faerie Realm (and can’t have virtues and flaws associated with any other Realm). Do you mean that some of the creatures considered to be faeries in Cornwall are actually aligned to other realms? Or just that there are some faeries that mimic the divine and infernal?
Should be: ?

Page number: 76
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 1
Word: “faries aligned”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “faeries”

Page number: 76
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox
Word: “Mmany”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “Many”

Page number: 77
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox 1
Word: “Eventually stayed awake and surprised the spriggans, scaring them off.”
Error type: Missing word
Should be: “She eventually stayed awake and surprised the spriggans, scaring them off.”

Page number: 77
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox 2
Word: Virtue Source: Spriggan Chruch
Error type: It’s not very clear what virtue is meant to be being provided?
Should be: ?

Page number: 77
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox 2
Word: “Christmas Eve and have a Mass. During which they sing”
Error type: Sentence fragment – join sentences
Should be: “Christmas Eve and have a Mass, during which they sing”

Page number: 77
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 1
Word: “will o the wisp”
Error type: Missing apostrophe
Should be: “will o’ the wisp”

Page number: 77
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 3 line 6
Word: “time^was”
Error type: Random ^
Should be: “time was”

Page number: 77
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 3 line 4 / 5
Word: “How do they deal with the Aegis?
Juneish: the same time, people in”
Error type: Should this be two separate paragraphs?
Should be: “How do they deal with the Aegis?

Juneish: the same time, people in”

Page number: 78
Column number: 3
Line number: Header 1
Word: “Crumbs for bucca”
Error type: Capitalisation
Should be: “Crumbs for Bucca”

Page number: 78
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 6
Word: “ryhmes”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “rhymes”

Page number: 79
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 4
Word: “sand. after”
Error type: Punctuation error
Should be: “sand, after”

Page number: 80
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 2
Word: “The man is a nympholept: a human who learns magical powers from a nymph. See Realms of Power: Faerie for the Virtue”
Error type: Canon error? According to RoP:F, nympholepts are individuals (usually young men) stolen away by nymphs, who then dwell with them for several years, rather than just those given magical powers by them. It’s also not entirely clear which virtue is meant – Nymph Blood?
Should be: ?

Page number: 80
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 3/4
Word: “half-ide”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “half-tide”

Page number: 81
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 5 / Sidebox, paragraph 4 line 1
Word: “St Vitus’s dance” / “Saint Vitus Dance”
Error type: Inconsistency with possession and capitalisation
Should be: Pick one and make it consistent

Page number: 82
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 1
Word: “In additions to the Hunt’s tribes”
Error type: Sentence doesn’t work
Should be: “In addition to Hunt’s tribes”

Page number: 82
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 3 line 5
Word: “s it a covenant’s turb?”
Error type: Missing letter
Should be: “Is it a covenant’s turb?”

1 Like
38

Page number: 83
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, line 3
Word: “amous”
Error type: Missing letter
Should be: “famous”

Page number: 84
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 6
Word: “him. to”
Error type: Superfluous full-stop
Should be: “him to”

Page number: 84
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 14
Word: “hounds” of “wish hounds””
Error type: Typo
Should be: “hounds” or “wish hounds””

Page number: 85
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 12
Word: “because the he contest between”
Error type: Superfluous “he”
Should be: “because the contest between”

Page number: 85
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 14
Word: “with more than ever”
Error type: Missing word - more what than ever?
Should be: ?

Page number: 86
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 1, paragraph 1, line 3
Word: “press and enemy”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “press an enemy”

Page number: 86
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 2, paragraph 1, line 3
Word: “haunting,and”
Error type: Missing space
Should be: “haunting, and”

Page number: 86
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 2, paragraph 2, line 8
Word: “A Criamon magus skilled at taking ghostly form wishes to use it to rediscover the ancient secret of bilocation, lost since the time of Aristotle?”
Error type: Have a question mark at the end of the sentence, but not phrased as a question. Either change the question mark to a full-stop, or rephrase.
Should be: ?

Page number: 89
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox, line 8
Word: “location of the druid’s grave in known”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “location of the druid’s grave is known”

Page number: 90
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 11
Word: “to immodest”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “too immodest”

Page number: 91
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 3, line 3
Word: “long, most demons can make new bodies”
Error type: Grammar – replace comma with semi-colon (or possibly dash). Also ignores that a direct miracle could trap the demons there permanently regardless of their usual abilities.
Should be: “long; most demons can make new bodies”

Page number: 92
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 3, line 14
Word: “well,”
Error type: Grammar – should be full-stop rather than comma
Should be: “well.”

Page number: 92
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 3, line 10
Word: “saying folklore for Infernal auras: the that they will all be killed.”
Error type: Sentence doesn’t make sense.
Should be: ?

Page number: 92
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 4, line 3
Word: “The following Sunday they travelled to a nearby island to have that they would be taken out an official marriage.”
Error type: Sentence doesn’t make sense.
Should be: ?

Page number: 92
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 4, line 5
Word: “It’s required that they have it on the large to a particular sea-swept rock island”
Error type: Sentence doesn’t make sense.
Should be: ?

Page number: 93
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 4, line 5
Word: “As they are returning home, God smites and left there with two loaves them all by sinking all of their boats or, in other versions of the of rye bread and a pitcher of story, he just washes the entire island clear with a great wave.”
Error type: Sentence doesn’t make sense. Looks like it’s got bits of another sentence mixed in?
Should be: ?

Page number: 93
Column number: 2
Line number: “St Warna” stats
Word: “Characteristics: Int +3, Per +1, Pre +2, Com +2, Str +7, Sta +2, Dex +3, Qik +2”
Error type: Canon error: appears to have spent too much on characteristics. Should probably only have 7 points on mental characteristics (vs 13) unless it is considered a particularly power demon, which at Might 25 it probably isn’t. I think physical characteristics are okay if you assume size modifiers to stats apply.
Should be: This should be a Personality trait

Page number: 93
Column number: 2
Line number: “St Warna” stats
Word: “Virtues and Flaws: Enjoys worship +3”
Error type: Formatting
Should be: This should be a Personality trait. May be some Virtues and Flaws missing?

Page number: 93
Column number: 2
Line number: “St Warna” stats
Word: “Personality Traits: Untameable +4”
Error type: Canon error: all demons should have a Personality trait that defines a particular sin that they represent (RoP:tI pg 30); it’s not clear that “Enjoys worship” or “Untameable” meet this – they feel more like an extra trait, with some form of avarice being the main trait. Also, the “Untameable” should be +5 rather than +4 (RoP: tI pg 42).

Should be: ?
Page number: 93
Column number: 2
Line number: “St Warna” stats
Word: “Soak +6 – her body is loosely material”
Error type: Possible canon error: it’s not clear that being loosely material should give a soak bonus (assuming that’s why her Soak is +4 higher than her Stamina) – neither the Faerie Power “Loosely Material” or the Hermetic spell “Cloak of Mist” give one. Depending on its exact composition you might want to have normal weapons passing through it harmlessly, however.

Should be: ?
Page number: 93
Column number: 3
Line number: “St Warna” stats
Word: “Coagulation: 1 point, Init –1, Corpus”
Error type: Canon error: based on the rule on pg 31 of RoP:tI this should be base Might /10 rounded up, i.e. 3. Also, if it manifests as being made of cloud, shouldn’t the power be Auram rather than Corpus?
Should be: “Coagulation: 3 points, Init –1, Auram”

Page number: 93
Column number: 3
Line number: Line 4
Word: “May create and”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “May create any”

Page number: 93
Column number: 3
Line number: Line 9
Word: “the demons current”
Error type: Grammar – missing apostrophe
Should be: “the demon’s current”

Page number: 93
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, Line 7
Word: “wstate”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “estate”

Page number: 94
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2, Line 12
Word: “ivho”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “who”

Page number: 94
Column number: 2
Line number: Negotium Perambulans stats
Word: “Characteristics: Int +1, Per +1, Pre -3, Com -5, Str +3, Sta +5, Dex -2, Qik -2”
Error type: Have underspent on physical characteristics – have up to 20 points to spend
Should be: ?

Page number: 94
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 2, line 4
Word: “St Alwyn”
Error type: Typo (?)
Should be: “St Alban”, or possibly “St Albyn” if you’re using Hunt’s old spelling consistently

Page number: 94
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 3, paragraph 2 line 2
Word: “at he northern”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “at the northern”

Page number: 95
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 4
Word: “Glen, There”
Error type: Grammer
Should be: “Glen. There”

Page number: 96
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 1
Word: “Exekiel”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “Ezekiel”

Page number: 96
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 3 line 13
Word: “it.Win”
Error type: Missing space
Should be: “it. Win”

Page number: 98
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 4 line 12
Word: “clothes. to Nancy.”
Error type: Superfluous full-stop
Should be: “clothes to Nancy.”

Page number: 98
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 2 paragraph 2 line 6
Word: “forcaster”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “forecaster”

Page number: 99
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 13
Word: “”The Devil is tearing me with his nails, like the claws of a hawk.” he cried.”
Error type: Superfluous full-stop
Should be: “”The Devil is tearing me with his nails, like the claws of a hawk” he cried.”

Page number: 99
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 17
Word: “noone”
Error type: Spelling
Should be:”no-one”

Page number: 99
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 2 line 9
Word: “when the coffin is lowered into the ground (my notes are incomplete) lightning sets the coffin on fire.”
Error type: Missing comma
Should be:” when the coffin is lowered into the ground (my notes are incomplete), lightning sets the coffin on fire.”

Page number: 99
Column number: 2
Line number: Paragraph 3 line 5
Word: “favours.”
Error type: Grammar – ending a sentence that’s a question with a full-stop instead of a question-mark
Should be: “favours?”

Page number: 99
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 1, line 16
Word: “storyguinding”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “storyguiding”

1 Like
39

Page number: 100
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 3, line 5
Word: “bought his hounds back from the dead”
Error type: Wrong word
Should be: “brought his hounds back from the dead”

Page number: 101
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 1, line 8
Word: “Jesus He”
Error type: Missing full-stop
Should be: “Jesus. He”

Page number: 101
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 1, line 5
Word: “St Kenye”
Error type: Spelling
Should be: “St Keyne”

Page number: 101
Column number: 3
Line number: Paragraph 5, line 1, 9
Word: “St German... and Germans cursed his church”
Error type: Inconsistent spelling. Should probably be St Germanus?
Should be: “St Germanus... and Germanus cursed his church”

Page number: 102
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 1, line 11
Word: “depth”
Error type: Should be plural?
Should be: “depths”

Page number: 102
Column number: 1
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 2, line 2
Word: “As they are blessed, it’s difficult to touch them directly with magic.”
Error type: Possible canon error? Merely having been blessed shouldn’t give them magic resistance, although if they actually have divine might (e.g. due to being a relic) they may have.
Should be: “If the bells are relics it will be difficult to touch them directly with magic.”

Page number: 102
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 1, line 2
Word: “exprostitutes”
Error type: Spelling.
Should be: “ex-prostitutes”

Page number: 103
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 2
Word: “Plot hooks: Well of Saint Keyne
Whichever of a newly-married couple is first to drink from the well will have the power in the relationship.
Error type: Repetition. This is the third time this detail has come up (see also pages 21 and 101)
Should be: Get rid of at least one of the instances.

Page number: 104
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 10
Word: “burned of they”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “burned if they”

Page number: 104
Column number: 1
Line number: Paragraph 1 line 13
Word: “and offering little things, like pins to activate the well.”
Error type: Missing comma
Should be: “and offering little things, like pins, to activate the well.”

Page number: 104
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 2, paragraph 2 line 5
Word: “Might a magus spread a rumour to their enemies that a weakness was concealed beneath one of these wells, so the enemies are killed when they look for it.”
Error type: Sentence phrased as a question, but no final question mark.
Should be: Either rephrase or add a question mark at the end.

Page number: 104
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 2, paragraph 3 line 1
Word: “Could you building a monolith”
Error type: Wrong word
Should be: “Could you build a monolith”

Page number: 105
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox, paragraph 2 line 6
Word: “talented, young lady”
Error type: Superfluous comma
Should be: “talented young lady”

Page number: 105
Column number: 2
Line number: Sidebox
Word: “She appears to have beauty that causes ill luck and she seems to be the keeper of a relic... One of them carries a Relic. They seem to have the True Love Virtue and, between the two of them, some incredibly useful skills.”
Error type: Inconsistency in text – the original story in the first paragraph doesn’t describe any of these attributes, or any particularly useful skills – or even evidence of True Love (given they appear to have no significant achievements towards overcoming their separation). Is there more to the story than is contained in the first paragraph? If so, I think it needs to be introduced, rather than just assumed later.
Should be: Expand the story?

Page number: 105
Column number: 3
Line number: Sidebox 2, paragraph 2 line 3
Word: “Wit the”
Error type: Typo
Should be: “With the”

40

Hello,

Thanks for your indications about quotations marks rules.

As you may have guessed, text from page 136 to page 139 is citation.

Now, in the new pdf (t.b.a.s.) this is much clear, thanks to your indications.

I use q.m. because italics are tiring for eyes when quotation is lying on several pages.

One my side, half of the pdf has been totally corrected.

But application of suggested modifications of the text, when not only typos, is Mr Ferguson's only concern. He decides, I shall apply!