You must circumnavigate the planet using water filters, clay, lasers, java, and massage implements.
Any person who reads this and does not provide a suitable plan by noon on the 19th will be summarily executed by the Chins of Chinese Chincillas in Chinos.
Using copious amounts of Clay, I will create a new air dirigible. It will be powered by the extremely small motors found in massage implements. Those who laugh and believe it cannot fly will soon find themselves at the end of a high powered laser.
Once it has taken flight, I will enjoy fine cups of java made with the purest water, and enjoy the trip.